Albuquerque Driving

Funny forward from M.
-------------------
Driving in ABQ

Ladies and Gentleman these are tips on how to survive driving in Albuquerque.

First you must learn to pronounce the city name.

It is 'Al buh kirky' or some variation of that.

Juan Tabo is pronounced Huan Tah boh, San Pedro is San Peh Droh,
Candelaria is Can Deh Lay Ree Ah, etc.

Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. We have our own version of traffic rules. 'Hold on and pray'.

There is no such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in Albuquerque We all drive like that.

All directions start with, 'Get on Central'. which has no beginning and no end.

The morning rush hour is from 6 to 10. The evening rush hour is from 3 to 7. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.

If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out and possibly shot.

When you are the first one on the starting line, count to five when the light turns green before going to avoid crashing with all the drivers running the red light in cross-traffic.

Construction on Central is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment. We had so much fun with that, we have added Montgomery/Montano and Lomas to the mix.

All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase, 'Oh, we're in Rio Rancho.'

If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is probably a factory defect.

Car horns are actually 'Road Rage' indicators.

All old ladies with blue hair in Mercedes have the right of way. PERIOD.

Montgomery and Ellison mysteriously change names as you cross I-25. (these are only a couple of examples).--------- If asking directions in the SE or S part of town, you'll benefit from a working knowledge of Spanish.

If on Central or in Tijeras, ditto the above. If you stop to ask directions on Coors Blvd or S 4th, you'd better be armed.

A trip across town (east to west) will take a minimum of two hours, although many north/south passages have an unposted minimum speed of 75.

The minimum acceptable speed on North I-25 is 85. Anything less is considered downright sissy.

The East I-40 is our daily version of NASCAR. It also ends in Edgewood .

I-25 to Santa Fe is called 'The Death Trap' for two reasons: 'death' and 'trap'.

If you flip on your turn indicators expect the lanes beside you to close up bumper-to-bumper.

If it's 100-degrees, Thanksgiving must be next weekend.

If it's 10-degrees and sleeting/snowing, the Fourth of July is around the corner.

If it's rained 6 inches in the last hour, and it is Fall, the Balloon Fiesta just started.

If it is Fall, the Balloon Fiesta is going on.

If you go to the Fair, pay the $5.00 to park INSIDE Fair Park . Parking elsewhere could cost up to $2500 for damages, towing fees, parking tickets, etc. If some guy with a flag tries to get you to park in his 'yard', run.

All amusement parks, stadiums, arenas, race tracks, airports, etc., are conveniently located as far away from EVERYTHING as possible so as to allow for ample parking on grassy areas.