Truisms

Funny forward from V.

1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
2. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
3. He, who laughs last, thinks slowest.
4. A day without sunshine is like, well, night.
5. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
6. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
7. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
8. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
9. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end-to-end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them.
10. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
11. The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.
12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.
13. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
14. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture.
15. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

LEXOPHILES (LOVERS OF WORDS):

Funny forward I got from M.

-----

1. A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
2. A will is a dead giveaway.
3. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
4. A backward poet writes inverse.
5. In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.
6. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
7. If you don't pay your exorcist, you can get repossessed.
8. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
9. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.
10. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
11. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
12. A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.
13. You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
14. Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.
15. He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
16. A calendar's days are numbered.
17. A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.
18. A boiled egg is hard to beat.
19. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
20. A plateau is a high form of flattery.
21. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison: a small medium at large.
22. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
23. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
24. If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.
25. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
26. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
27. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
28. Acupuncture: a jab well done.
29. Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet.

Note: No trees were killed in the sending of this message, but a
large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.

Mark Herron

Google.org for profit philanthropy?

SAN FRANCISCO, Sept. 13 — The ambitious founders of Google, the popular search engine company, have set up a philanthropy, giving it seed money of about $1 billion and a mandate to tackle poverty, disease and global warming.

.....

The philanthropy is consulting with hybrid-engine scientists and automakers, and has arranged for the purchase of a small fleet of cars with plans to convert the engines so that their gas mileage exceeds 100 miles per gallon. The goal of the project is to reduce dependence on oil while alleviating the effects of global warming.

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/09/14/technology/14google.html

Tutorial: How to Sabotage Yourself

Tutorial: How to Sabotage Yourself - Associated Content: "Tutorial: How to Sabotage Yourself
Finally, a Tutorial that is Designed Especially for Self-loathers

This tutorial is designed specifically for self-loathers. Follow these instructions carefully to become extremely unhappy, poor, disrespected, lonely, and better yet, to hate yourself even more."

Funny.

Examples

Use credit cards to pay for everything.

When a credit card "stops working," apply for a new one.

Always look ---- off or upset when you're at work. You want to make sure everyone knows how much you hate your job.

Borrow money from friends and family, and never pay it back.

Top Ten No Sympathy Lines

Top Ten No Sympathy Lines: "Top Ten No Sympathy Lines (Plus a Few Extra)

Steven Dutch, Natural and Applied Sciences, University of Wisconsin - Green Bay

I heard all of these in school. Interesting rebuttal from a teacher on the top complaints of students.

Best Free Stuff Online

Best Free Software

Browsers

firefox
http://www.mozilla.com/

anti-spyware tools

spybot search and destroy
http://www.safer-networking.org/en/index.html

Windows Defender Anti Spyware
http://www.microsoft.com/athome/security/spyware/software/default.mspx

adaware
http://www.lavasoftusa.com/software/adaware/

Personal Firewalls

ZoneAlarm
http://www.zonelabs.com/store/content/company/products/znalm/freeDownload.jsp?dc=12bms&ctry=US&lang=en

If you are a comcast high speed customer you can get a free version of macafee's firewall

http://www.comcast.net/security/

Anti Virus

Free Anti Virus Products
anti-vir - annoying messages on machine restart but seems to work better than AVG

http://www.free-av.com/antivirus/allinonen.html

For AOL Users out there this might be cool

http://www.activevirusshield.com


If you are a comcast high speed customer you can get a free version of macafee's antivirus

http://www.comcast.net/security/

Zipping/Unzipping (Compression) Utilities

z-zip
http://www.7-zip.org/

Web Email

gmail
https://mail.google.com/mail/

Add ons

Quicktime + itunes
http://www.apple.com/quicktime/download/win.html

Flash
http://www.adobe.com/shockwave/download/index.cgi?P1_Prod_Version=ShockwaveFlash

Image Editors

Paint.net (Really nice - recommended)
http://www.getpaint.net/index.html

The Gimp (Unintuitive interface makes this somewhat of a bear to use)
http://www.gimp.org/windows/

Photo Organizers

Picasa - google product

Word Processors/Spreadsheet/Database/Presentation

OpenOffice

More Obscure Products

Web Based RSS Readers

Google Reader

Bookmark sharing

del.icio.us

Todo list management

Remember The Milk

Comparing text documents (For programmers only)

WinMerge

Text Editors (For programmers Only)

vim

Compilers

Microsoft Visual C Express
http://msdn.microsoft.com/vstudio/express/visualc/

Free Training

Quick HTML Overview
http://www.draac.com/html.html

Good Free HTML Course
http://webdesign.about.com/c/ec/9.htm

Christian Courses
http://cc.christiancourses.com/

Lulu.com - Self Publishing

Easy route to becoming a published author.

http://www.lulu.com/

Interesting idea. A book publisher who will accept any manuscript, prints on when an order is received and doesn't keep the copy right. Anyone can upload a book and never be charged, it is just markup on the book if it sells. Lulu makes 25% of the amount you set as the royalty plus the cost of printing or you can sell or give away a digital copy of the book from their site at the same rate, or free if you choose.

The Simpsons Maker - AbcArcade.com

The Simpsons Maker - AbcArcade.com: "The Simpsons Maker"

I sent a few of you a link to this a while back. It still makes me laugh. Make your own Simpson's character.

What does your browser reveal about you?

Terminally Incoherent » Blog Archive » What does your browser reveal about you?:

"What does your browser reveal about you?"
Firefox vs IE

I often tend to judge people based on the type of browser they use. Believe it or not, the choice of your favorite browser reveals a lot about your personality.

IE 5.0:

You only use your computer for IM, email and Myspace. You stubbornly refuse to upgrade that ancient Win 98 box that you are using because you don’t need some fancy computer and in your opinion the one you have works just fine. You also probably don’t use antivirus or antispyware either. You just let your son/nephew/friend clean it out every month or so." ....

And its pretty accurate look of the definition of the browser I use.

Firefox 2.0 Beta:

You are a developer by day and open source developer by night. Either that, or a huge Firefox fan. You are all over Bugzilla reporting all the issues you encounter with the browser. You have probably summited at least one patch to an open source project at some point in your life. You love to tinker with your applications, and you don’t mind running beta software on your machine. After all, it is fun to discover new bugs, and to work little kinks out of the new cutting edge programs.

And this one is for M and D.

AOL Suite:

You most likely either still use AOL as your dialup ISP. Either that, or you somehow figured that you still need AOL even after getting broadband connection. Someone told you you can actually use the internets without starting AOL but you haven’t figured out how is that possible. It seems really difficult though, and you suspect it might be illegal.

And yes, I stoled this link from guitarchick9. http://guitarchick9.livejournal.com/ C, this is a test of whether you and your hubby actually read my blog (and whether you read the posts all the way to the end and in really, really small print)

Snopes

I told a few of you about snopes. They investigate urban legends and email forwards. It researches whether they are true or not and then documents their research.

http://snopes.com/

Examples

Claim: Monkee Mike Nesmith's mother was the inventor of Liquid Paper correction fluid.

Status: True.

Origins: Bette Nesmith Graham
A guitar's all right Michael, but you'll never make your living by it
Bette Nesmith and young Michael
(she was divorced from Michael's father in 1946 and remarried in 1964) came up with the idea of using a small bottle of tempera waterbase paint to correct her typing errors while she was an executive secretary with Texas Bank & Trust in Dallas in 1951. She supplied bottles of the fluid to other secretaries at her workplace (under the name "Mistake Out") for several years; then, in 1956, she improved the formula, changed its name to "Liquid Paper," and set out to trademark the name and patent her product. After IBM passed on her offer to sell Liquid Paper to them, Bette started marketing the product on her own. Liquid Paper, Inc., did not become profitable for several years, and it was not until the mid-1960s that Liquid Paper correction fluid began to generate subst...

http://snopes.com/music/artists/nesmith.htm


Claim: Static electricity is the cause of an increase in gas station refuelling fires.

Status: Multiple — see below

* Static electricity can cause fires at gas stations: True.
* Static electricity was actually the cause of a number of gas station refuelling fires: Undetermined.

Example: [Collected on the Internet, 2002]
....
http://snopes.com/autos/hazards/static.asp

Your Mom Goes To College [Napeon Dynamite Quote]

I'm I the only one that thinks this t-shirt is funny?

http://www.snorgtees.com/yourmomgoestocollege-p-198.html

They've got some funny tee-shirts at this site.

Chuck Norris Facts

For those who haven't seen the Chuck Norris facts. Here are a few. These were picked as the favorite by none other than Chuch Norris himself (as the story goes .....)

http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/

• When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.


• Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.


• There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.


• Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.


• Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.


• Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.


• Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.


• Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.


• There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

Bruce Schneier Facts

Bruce Schneier Facts a take off of the Chuck Norris Facts
http://geekz.co.uk/schneierfacts/fact/1

Funny stuff, but only for people who appreciate computer security and cryptography humor (a much smaller group of people than I'd like :-(

My favorite of all ........

Bruce Schneier can solve NP-Complete problems in NlogN time.

Google maps + all locations in the Movie Napoleon Dynamite

Google maps + all locations in the Movie Napoleon Dynamite

http://www.dynamitemap.com/

Does anyone feel like a road trip? ;-)

Shakepeare sonnets reviewed by order of the court

Funny punishment for a crime through the "sensitivity through poetry" program.

"Some guy from New York, who has been ordered to remain anonymous, has been instructed by the courts to conduct a line by line discussion of each of the sonnets.

...

If you've ever wanted to learn what Shakespeare was really saying in his spine-tingling poetic cycle, you’ll be hard pressed to find a friendlier, more forthright guide or one as jargon free.

Shakespeare wrote for the masses and, believe me, there's no one more "masses”"than Some Guy From New York!"

-http://www.podiobooks.com/podiobooks/book.php?ID=81

EXPLICIT: May not be appropriate for younger listeners

Original site (Easier to download from)

http://www.fiddleandburn.com/bardny/

Voice Recognition

Warning: Nerdiest post yet.

I've always thought it would be cool to use a voice recognition interface to a computer. The question has always been what would I do with it (and a bit of AI)? Well in previous years continuous voice recognition wasn't up to snuff, it was hard to get data from different sources including the web that was machine parsable/understandable, and AI was terrible.

Most of these restrictions are now at a level where this may be possible.

Continuous Voice Recognition - Now 95+ % if you are willing to wear a voice canceling microphone - a pain but doable.

Data from multiple sources - web services, and XML.

AI - hmm, still researching this one. Also perhaps I don't really need AI, just software that can parse the english language with a specific set of commands.

How would I use it?

Voice Control
1) Over Phone
2) from hands free device - cordless noise canceling mic?

Calendar Data - Google Calendar
1) Alarm Clock
Wake me up tomorrow at 6:00 am to go to the park
2) Reminders
Remind me on Thursday to buy a birthday present
Remind me to pay my water bill tomorrow evening
3) Add a birthdays to the calendar.
4).Ask questions
What bills are due this week?

Movie Listings (xml source????)
1) What is playing at Rio at around 10 pm?

Email - Google Email
1) New email notifications
2) Read email messages to me

Map Data - Google Maps
1) I'm at Eubank and Montgomery Where is the nearest Sonic?

Note Taker - with tags
1) Keep track of todo lists
2) Ability to tell it random but interesting facts I may want to later recall
3) Add Items to grocery list

Home Security Monitor
1) Has the repair guy been to my apartment yet?
2) Asks repair people to identity themselves and notifies them that they are being video and audio recorded - web cam goodness along with motion sensors and voice/facial recognition

Phone Number lookup
1) What is the phone number of my car mechanic?
2) What is the phone number of Chili's?

Search for files on my computer
1) Show me my todo list
2) Show me receipts generated for purchases online from radio shack

TV Listings?
1) What time is Smallville on?

Tape Shows
1) Tape Smallville

RSS Feeds
1) Notify me of updated blogs from friends

Christians and Politics

A friend of mine, "C" sent me an article from the NY Times about why Churches should stay away from political agendas. I don't know if I agree with this view or not. I do agree that the Republican party can and do do stupid immoral things at times and Christians back them because they also push Christian goals. Then, they deny that anything immoral is happening because they believe so much in the good things that the leader is doing. But are some evils, ie abortion, so evil that Christians should back the party no matter what else they do, or what else they believe? This article was very timely as several of us where pondering the question recently of if Jesus where around physically today (and an American), would he vote? I don't know what I think the answer is yet, and I highly suspect that it is some how the wrong question, but I'm starting my research with these articles. Being that I'm cheap and don't read books, I'm going to start listening to the free original 6 part sermon linked to at the bottom.

Article being discussed
http://www.nytimes.com/2006/07/30/us/30pastor.html?_r=1&ex=1154404800&en=c2f83bd1edc3c799&ei=5087%0A

The Myth of the Christian Nation - More background and a link to his book
http://www.whchurch.org/content/page_676.htm

Free 6 part audio series about why the pastor believes what he believes
http://www.crossandthesword.org/

Why english teachers die young

Stupid forward I received. Stupid... but very funny.

Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit their collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers across the country.

Here are last year's winners....

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room- temperature Canadian beef.
5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.
8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.
9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. Instead of 7:30.
12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. Traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m., at a speed of 35 mph.
15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.
18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.
25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

Uncommon Business

Interesting blog about people making good money in unconventional (ie strange) ways.

http://uncommonbusiness.blogspot.com/

Paintball Equipment

I got one too many welts playing paintball yesterday. I've been looking into more safety/protective equipment.

I was surprised by the number of items out there for this.

• Body Armor - For stomach, back, and side shots
• Neck Protection - Could you imagine getting hit in the throat?
• Gloves - But getting hit in the hands was pretty common but I'm going to use some cheap gloves I already own
  
• Complete Head Mask& goggles - I actually have a welt on my forehead
• Complete Exo-skeleton - for the completely paranoid out there
  

There are some other non-safety items I need they include

• CO2 Tank
• Holster for holding additional Paint or Air
• Paintball sleeve - I have plastic paint ball plug but it takes the first 10 seconds of the game to put it away so you don't loose it - you could be dead by then. The sleeves are cool because they are attached with an elastic band, you just pull them off.